Cookie Crotch Nuts University

We are a comedy metal band from the Midwest that use perverse lyrics, satirical acts, and ridiculous stage antics to ease the seriousness of the modern music world. Our lyrics have always gone far beyond the boundaries of what is considered socially acceptable. Our music is centered on filthy metal songs with a touch of pop, although our style is not limited to the "Metal" genre... it's all over the place. From 80's new wave, to blues, rap, heavy metal, country, industrial, jam band, to good old fashioned rock n' roll; there's something for everyone. Lyrically, its not for the faint of heart. It's an "all in fun" mockery of all types of popular music mixed with metal. So we've coined our own genre called "Heavy Plastic".  Our stage performances are always surely entertaining with plenty of dirty jokes, video bits, and crowd interaction. Our fan base consists of a very diverse crowd of all ages and different musical interests. We've been at it since 1997 and 18 years later, we're still pushing the boundaries and are seeking to push them even further. Here is where you can help us achieve our ultimate goals.

A BRIEF HISTORY

We were created in the late 90's when Johnny Thrust and friends started using music to make mockeries of various who's and whatnot. Our lyrical content was often perverted, the synths were intentionally cheesy (often Casio keyboard presets) and the guitar was heavy. In 1998 the three original members became four with the addition of Spunk Injector. CCN's first official performance came in 1998 at their local county fair's annual battle of the bands in front of a family oriented crowd. Their intentions were not to win but to shock. The Kenosha County Fair has not had a battle of the bands since then. We don't think that this is a coincidence.


Years went on and Cookie Crotch Nuts remained a side project as members had other "serious" bands. In 2006, Spunk Injector and Johnny Thrust teamed up and decided to record an actual album and make a serious act out of CCN. People love music and people love to laugh so what could be more fun than doing both? For the past 9 years, the existing six members have remained. As we played shows in the Chicago/Madison/Milwaukee area, our following only intensified. Now, with the highly anticipated release of our second album titled Number Two, Cookie Crotch Nuts is on the verge of exploding on the scene in a whole new way, spewing our filthy audio to unprecedented levels.
 

Johnny Thrust

  • On Stage: He is the vocal center and main member of the band. He writes much of the music and can vocally depict his wild imagination quite graphically. His antics range from dirty jokes and sarcastic humor, to chugging bottles of household cleaners.
  • Off Stage: By day, he separates turds from tampons at the local sanitary facility. He really can tell you how much dump a sump pump can pump. By night, he spends the money he found drenched in fecal matter at the strip club.


Spunk Injector 3000

  • On Stage: He is the lead keyboardist. His off the wall synth style and unique vocal characteristic add an oddly demented touch to the band. You'll often see him flailing in a frantic and hyperactive manner or telling raunchy stories to the crowd.
  • Off stage: He works double shifts of feeding hungry, greedy and thirsty pigs. But he makes great tips! His extensive electrical engineering knowledge enables him to fix any complicated mechanical sex toy.

Wick Nice

  • On Stage: He is backup vocals and keyboards. His death metal vocal chords make for a powerful backbone to the band. His quick witted jokes and no holds bar personality are sure to give the crowd a stir.
  • Off stage: His work day is full of running trains. He goes to the dating site where he, along with his colleagues, take turns pounding and banging dates one after another. If you are not familiar with railroad terminology, a track spike is referred to as a "date". He is also a Cookie Monster impersonator in a band called Woe to the Earth.

Mister Fister

  • On Stage: He is the drummer. He is constantly throwing things all over the stage. His primitive ape-like behavior is all fun and games until we have to wrastle him back in his cage after the show.
  • Off Stage: Every single day he is constantly chasing lines and searching for his next fix. Then he climbs up the pole, fixes the wire, and your refrigerator is back on in no time! In his free time, he eats bananas and plays with Barbies.
Ace of Bass
  • On Stage: He is the bassist. Usually rockin' pigtails, he does not stop talking... only no one can hear him. He is the sub woofer of the band and his low frequency output will rattle your bowels.
  • Off Stage: While Johnny separates the solids from liquids, Ace is on the other end receiving the turd juice and the steady flow of urine from schools and prisons at the water treatment facility. In his spare time, he and his wife operate an animal rescue.

Mudwhistle

  • On Stage: He plays the guitar. His groove metal guitar style and simple riffs are sure to keep your armpits sweaty at our shows. He can often be seen squirting brown liquid matter from the hole in his mask.
  • Off Stage: He blasts s#!t all day long! It's such a filthy and pungent mess, you'll need to wear a respirator to even go near him. By the end of his day, your grandmother's gravestone has a beautiful rose blasted into it. He enjoys sewing, painting, gardening and watching Antiques Road Show.

ABUSEMENT PARK

In 2006 we recorded our first album titled Abusement Park using our own equipment. The album is loaded with 23 tracks of filthy brilliance. With such hits as Pushin' Out a Big One and Rimjob Jimbob, this album won the hearts of a cult following. It's most certainly a classic album and consists of over an hour of laughs and a multitude of musical genres. A hand full of the songs on this album are re-written songs from our early days. It is still available in a beautifully packaged six-panel Digipack Compact Disc. However, It wasn't exactly a breeze for us to release. Due to technical issues and money related delays, it wasn't until 2012 that the album was released. We learned our lesson and decided that we needed to take a different approach for recording our next album.

NUMBER TWO

In the spring of 2013, we went through our extensive archives of 60+ song patterns and concepts that we've created over the years and wrote a solid set of songs. We took a break from live shows, wrote and composed for a year or so. In May of 2014, we hired Bradley Dausman at Angry Man Productions to record and produce our second album brainlessly titled "Number Two". We collaborated with Todd Smith, front man of Dog Fashion Disco for the song titled Disgraceland. We also collaborated with some of our favorite local musicians on a couple of tracks to add to the diversity of the album. This album is chock full of sure to be hits such as Sweaty Richard, Honey I Shrunk My Dick, and our rendition of one of the most popular classic songs of all time... Diarrhea! ... yea, you know how that one goes
(When you're climbin' up a ladder... only much more adult oriented.)

The cover art for Number Two is not to be confused with the American fag. It is an artistic rendition of the symbol for Cookie Crotch Nuts. It features our trademark cartoon middle finger and 13 stripes representing the 13 testicles of the six members (figure that one out). The flag is the perfect example of how society is offended by things that are not real. The title 'Number Two' has multiple obvious meanings and can be taken however the listener perceives.